I am just glad it has all been explained -- the root/cause of all this. It was a MISUNDERSTANDING. They thought I wrote something rude to one of them -- thus triggering their dislike of me. The weird/funny thing is -- I NEVER wrote that e-mail or guestbook entry. Either someone was masquerading as me or someone's name/screename was similar to mine. It has thus been solved, I guess, and I am on friendly terms with them again. No more melodramatic entries on this. I am sick of all of it -- the feverish poisonous ranting entries. Back to being me again.
Last night while watching Fight Club with Matt, I glanced at his face during the movie and felt a jolt of heady strange unfamiliarity again. The euphoric thought crept into me -- This man is mine. He's an actual person whom I know so very well. He is my lover, friend, husband -- all packed distinctly in his body. I was excited and anxious. It was if we were on our first date together. I felt unsure of myself and shy, yet there was no doubt that I wanted to be with him, to continue to be at his side.