M. and I discussed that in a year or so we might have another baby. The thought of another baby stirs so many feelings within me. Here is a mental checklist of what I might have to go through again :
NEGATIVES :
-Weight gain and inability to fit into my adored clothes for nine months.
-Swollen hands, calves, feet, and face towards the end of pregnancy.
-Terrible aversion to certain foods, especially sausage, red meat, and ham. Just the smell of these foods cause a gag reflex. Strange thing is that even though ham will repulse me, I can still eat bacon.
-Morning sickness, or as I experienced during my first pregnancy, all-day-sickness. Lots of upchucking.
-Motion sickness in moving vehicles is magnified.
-Difficulty in moving around towards the end of pregnancy. Even walking seems like a big feat.
-Feeling unsexy at times due to my roundness.
-Labor contractions. They feel horrible.
-Delivery. Ouch. However, it might be easier the second time around.
-**Random fact** : Our son’s birthweight was 8 pounds 11 ounces…which was considered HUGE for someone my size and ethnicity…I’m Chinese and only 5 feet 1 inches tall. But then again my husband is 6 feet 2 inches tall and most of the babies in his family are of that size and weight (and even more) when they were born. I was supposed to have a Cesarean, but I managed to brave through natural delivery. I was and still am one proud mommy for being able to carry and deliver such a big baby.
-Leaky breasts when I am in the breastfeeding stage. The feeling and connection of breastfeeding a baby is amazing and simply beautiful…but the leaky breasts are NOT. In two words…wet spots.
-Milk-engorged breasts are painful. Am I grossing you out? Heh.
-The period where I will stop breastfeeding…my boobs will hurt and become HARD like crazy. This period lasted a few days with my son. He adapted to the bottle quickly thank goodness…and my boobs returned to normal quickly as well.
-Loads and loads of dirty diapers. Not fun.
-Waking up all throughout the night to feed my baby. Again, this might be much easier for me now since I hardly need much sleep anymore…I got used to the lack of sleep with my son. But believe me…if it is YOUR first child…you will feel like dying when your sleep is interrupted constantly. You will feel like a zombie.
-Hair falling out around the first few months after giving birth. Lots of hair. Everywhere. You will shed like a pet.
-Needing to potty train my child and all that other icky mommy-daddy stuff we need to do.
-Not being able to have sex for the recommended period of around six weeks. It is TORTURE. For both of us.
-Even less time for M. and I to be together alone.
-Even less private and personal time for myself.
POSITIVES :
-Extremely thick and beautiful hair during pregnancy. Your hormones make it possible to have truly glorious hair. (That is why your hair will FALL OUT after pregnancy).
-The regular doctor check-ups where we get to hear the heartbeat of the baby.
-The butterfly AND karate kicks of a baby inside me. They feel so unbelievable.
-Just the thought of a little person living inside me makes me smile. I used to stand in front of a full-length mirror and stare at my rounded and protruding belly all the time. It was beautiful.
-All that breastfeeding makes me all skinny. The only part that didn’t look that great when I was that skinny was my boobs. They got kind of small due to the breastfeeding and weight loss. Gradually I went back to my normal weight…and my boobs filled out again. Joy joy. Right now…I want to slim down everything (waist, butt, legs, arms…but I want to keep the boobs. I hope that is somehow possible).
-The BIGGEST and most AWESOME “Positive”... A new beautiful baby. M. and I would like to have a girl this time. But of course, it doesn’t really matter that much…as long as our baby will be healthy. We would lovingly welcome a boy or a girl.
-Holding a new baby.
-Cuddling a new baby.
-Kissing a new baby.
-The intoxicatingly sweet scent of a new baby.
-The smallness of a new baby.
-The **everything** of a new baby.
-watching and experiencing the joy of raising and loving another human being.
-The chance for our son to have a brother or sister to love, torture (hehe), and grow up with.
It would be so lovely.
Wow. What a list. The scale is being weighed in our minds and hearts every once in a while. Maybe we will…or maybe we won’t. Only time will tell…
But, well, I think we WILL.
And M. thinks we WILL.
Whoa.