I've been listening to Weezer's Weezer and Radiohead's Kid A. Such beauty. Such fun. Such strangeness.
I haven't touched a Smashing Pumpkins' album in a while. It's weird how your musical tastes and moods shift and return, shift and return. I used to listen to them everyday. No missed day. I needed their music everyday. It was food. It was water. Nourishment.
I guess I am searching for something else right now.
I'll be back someday, perhaps even tomorrow.
Because those albums are always there...breathing their musical breath...waiting for me to become enchanted yet again.
I still feel bad about last night, as descibed in this entry. Why do I still feel this way? The insecurity I experience...is unnecessary and unfounded...no cause for it and no reason. But I still get emerald-green eyed...still always the jealous type. Being so emotional irritates and exhausts the hell out of me.
I just need to be reassured every once in a while...
Or...
I think...
It's more like...
I need to be reassured ALL the time that I am all the woman he will ever need or want.
That he is absolutely happy with me...no regrets looming.
And the strange thing is...
He DOES tell me he loves me...wants me...
He shows his affection EVERYDAY.
I just need to get over my feelings of insecurity and inadequancy...feelings that take over my emotions at times.
I want to know if there is ONE woman out there who is ALWAYS self-assured...whose self-esteem of herself (physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual) is ALWAYS as bright as the fiery sun. Because that is such a BEAUTIFUL thing. A beautiful and powerful state of being. If you're out there, let me know. Inspire me.
And.
If there are those of you out there who AREN'T always self-assured...who are still and always will be traveling towards that path of self-love, please let me know too...because we can inspire each other. To love ourselves. Fully.