Here is an entry from my old paper journal. It is an entry I had completely forgotten about. It has to do with Professor Ganter. And this will be the last time I mention him.
April 18, 1995
I needed to consult with Professor Lautin about the rewrite of my English paper. I went to the general English office. There were two people chatting as I stood outside the glass doors - a woman sitting at a desk and...Mr. Ganter. I was shocked to see him just sitting there. I hadn't seen him around in a couple of months. It would have been a nice occurrence except that he didn't even recognize me. I was just standing there staring. I asked the woman if Lautin was there yet. She said that she'd be there in a few moments. It seemed as if I was supposed to remain and wait outside so I stayed there. It was awkward and humiliating for me being that I was enamored of Ganter. Then Ganter said that I could wait in the room and I said okay. I mean, he stared straight at me and no recognition sparked. I was heartbroken and so hurt. I even contemplated saying, 'Oh, Mr. Ganter, hi! Remember me? I was in your class before!" But I didn't. So, I sat down and they continued their conversation. Another classmate (I don't know her name) stopped by and waited with me. Finally, Ganter left and Lautin appeared. This was on a Friday. The following Tuesday I saw him again with a blonde student (I think) near the escalators. I was stabbed in the heart again in the space of a few days. It hurt that he didn't even remember my face. But, I cannot blame him because I'm not good with remembering names (but I always remember faces). I mean, he has new students every semester. You cannot expect a person to remember everyone's names and faces. Oh well, life goes on. The Ganter chapter is now over.
I read this entry in my journal and felt a bit hurt all over again. It was so strange to feel that way, even after all this time. I mean, this happened in 1995! I guess I really liked him back then and rereading the entry just brought back my little schoolgirl feelings again. I just don't know why I didn't remember this happening. Maybe I just pushed it into the back of my mind and memory...because it had hurt me and because I just needed to move on. I had to move on...my crush on a professor was officially over. His lack of recognition of me ended my infatuation with him...then and there.
I was so glad I reread that entry. It made me realize yet again how far I have come since then.