As promised previously, here are all of my Billy Corgan dreams, taken straight out of my old paper journal. Pumpkins’ lovers might appreciate them/get a kick out of them/or just laugh their heads off. All of the entries are from December 1996 - January 1997. All the “Notes” were written in the journal as well during that time.
Billy is singing with Courtney Love (Note : Love was once his girlfriend). I watch them sing together and I feel so jealous.
I see Billy and James Iha at the opposite side of a subway station. I can hear them talking. What they’re saying is extremely funny. I wish that what they’re saying could be recorded. (Note : I cannot recall what they said but I knew it was funny. I was laughing hard.).
It is a dark, rainy night. Billy, D’arcy, and James are driving a car. A guy appears and he gets into the car with them. Billy’s driving, D’arcy’s in the passenger seat and both James and the guy sit in the back. They look like they’re going to have a night of fun and adventure.
I watch Billy on television. He’s with a woman (his wife perhaps or someone else). They embrace and kiss passionately. I feel empty inside, envious. I’m thinking to myself, This is the first time I’ve ever seen Billy kiss someone. How beautiful, how desirable. The next thing I know, I see Billy’s children and there are many of them. When I see his children, I think I feel sad. I’ve always told myself that Billy will always be Billy if he doesn’t become a father. His whole life would change if he had a child. (Note: By the way, either his marriage has dissolved or it’s on shaky grounds. I am ambivalent about this. On one hand, I’m happy because he’s single again. On the other hand, I am horrified cause he’s single again. I’d rather have him married and without children than have him be a free agent. It would be fucking torture for me. Am I fucking insane or what?).
Billy kisses D’arcy on the shoulder.
Billy acts as a doorman or something like that at an old public school. It’s nighttime and dark. My younger brother and I are supposed to enter the school. I see Billy at a short distance. I’m ecstatic and extremely nervous at the same time. When I am at the school entrance, I am puzzled because Billy is a lot shorter than he is in real life. I don’t know what I am going to say, but I want to act cool and nonchalant. I say, “Hi!” and smile at him. He hands me a Pumpkin flyer or something. The next thing, I am embracing Billy outside the school’s entrance, hugging him dearly with all my heart. I cannot believe this is happening. Suddenly, somehow, it is time to go. Billy abruptly breaks free of our embrace. It is like he lightly pushes me away from him. I feel embarrassed and sad, like someone just killed my heart. Then, for some reason, someone has to give some papers or whatever to Billy. However, my mom tells me to give him the papers instead, so I can have a chance to be with him. I’m full of happiness and nerves. I walk to him. I hand him the papers. He is grateful. Suddenly, he smiles and gives me a quick, but wet, kiss on my lips. I DIED with disbelief. I kissed Billy! I kissed Billy! (Note : How’s that for a sweet dream?)
Oh brother. So, I had a total of 6 Billy dreams. It was sort of fun perusing through my old journal and reminiscing. Those dreams meant a lot to me back then. I had such a CRUSH on Corgan. The dream where he kissed me had me smiling in real life for DAYS. Giggles. Ah, silly silly me.