Just a thought. A curiosity. I don't really know what it is.
I am thinking about journals with detailed entries on sex. A few questions come to mind.
Do you want attention? Do you want more journal counter hits? Do you just like writing about all aspects of your life, including the sexual elements? Do you feel exhibitionistic? Do you want to shock? Do you crave acceptance? Do you like showing off what you have? Are you just a nympho? Are you a flirt? Do you do it because you want to be a erotic writer? Do you want to turn others on? Do you want others to desire you, dream about you? Do you want others to be envious of your life? Do you want to share your entire life with others? Do you write about sex because it is an experience many people can relate to? Do you write about it just because, well, it's fun?
I ask these questions because, up until a week or so ago, I wrote some entries with a bit of sex in them. Details about undies and sex, and other intimate things. I had some pictures of myself on this journal, and I used real first names. I know why I did all this. I craved attention from others. I wanted to show off myself and my family. I wanted to show that I was happy with my life. I felt exhibitionistic. I liked how sexual words looked on the page...so juicy. I liked being a bit bold. AND HELL YES I WANTED MORE COUNTER HITS.
But all the while I was writing these entries, I felt nervous...like I shouldn't need to do this or want to do this. I was disclosing the most personal details of my life to perfect strangers...for STRANGERS to see. I was also a bit worried that people I knew might someday, somehow stumble upon my journal. Mortifying. Most of all, I knew M. would not approve...he thinks that such intimate aspects should stay that way...special and between us only. And I totally agree. In addition, have you ever considered that in this day and age of concerns about internet security...these journals we put out so willingly and freely (with unbelievable amounts of personal information) may actually (though the chances are probably remote) be used against us? We worry about hackers and thieves and things like that...sniffing for and finding information that could be used for financial and personal and dangerous means...we want internet security. BUT here we are making webpages that freely display our names, pictures, live cameras, interests, email addresses, even mailing addresses, birth information, education information...sex information. Don't get me wrong...I am NOT paranoid...but bad things CAN HAPPEN when you aren't too careful. When you are too naive. When you think this is all just fun and games and nothing bad can ever happen because of it.
All these reasons...(but mostly because I never TRULY felt comfortable about spilling my sexual guts out on my journal...I would rather keep those special moments between my husband and I) drove me to edit or delete certain entries and take down most of my pictures. I also use first name initials only now. And no, it's not censoring myself...I am being truthful to myself...I am doing what feels best to me. And now...I feel very good AND safe about my journal...where I can shoot the breeze and things like that...without needing to disclose personal information or to spice it up with sexual pepper. I don't need it. I will save the sexual seasonings for my VERY personal diary (HINT : NOT THIS ONE..sorry...hehe).
And no, I am not judging any of you who do write about sex. I LIKE reading about sex. Who doesn't really?? Just be honest to yourself about why you are doing it.