I thought it would be nice to list all of my past crushes. They cover the time from elementary school to college. To my knowledge, none of them ever knew of my from-afar admiration. {:O). I bet this entry is going to sound sooo silly.
-Gabriel
-David
-Tommy
-Anthony
-Nat
-George
-Mr. Farina
-Mr. Henkin
-Michael
-Mr. Ganter
-James
-Mathias
-Sean
-a health education professor I had in college. I can’t recall his name. He was cute though. He was strict. And...he was gay.
I liked Gabriel. He was really cute and sweet, with brown hair and eyes. There was one time when we walked from our Mr. Peskowitz’s Chemistry class down the staircase and to outside the school. I felt as if I were in heaven. I imagined that I was walking with my boyfriend. I have always wanted to spill my feelings to him, but I was way too shy. I was nervous walking with him, but I didn’t show any indication of my feelings. We talked like we were just friends. I could never make the first move. So, that was the one and only moment that Gabriel and I spent some time alone (even though it was only 4-5 minutes worth). Near graduation or after it (I can’t remember), I looked at his picture in the yearbook. I was surprised to see that he looked so dorky! He had on glasses and a silly smile. I have never seen him with his glasses on in class. I wondered why he wore them for his photograph.
My BIGGEST crush was for Mr. Granville Ganter. Oohh...I put his full name here because, well, I just WANT to. {:O). I felt like I was in love with this man. He was my English Composition professor during my first freshman semester in college. The first time he stepped into the classroom with his blue jeans and backpack, I was smitten. I thought Oh my god, he is soooo handsome and cute and gorgeous. And young. He was in his mid-twenties. He had spikey short blond hair and huge blue eyes. Oh, those eyes were delicious. He had nice arms....yum. He was a lefty. I liked watching him write on the blackboard with his back turned toward me, his sleeves rolled up, and his left arm and hand scribbling away. He had the sweetest smile too. He was a great teacher...knew his stuff well. He showed the beginning of Woody Allen’s film Bananas and Madonna’s Justify My Love video and we had to analyze them in writing. He was just so cool. I remember the time when it was the mayoral election and the candidates were Mayor David Dinkins and Rudolph Giuliani. Giuliani beat Dinkins and the morning after the winning results came in, Mr. Ganter came in the room, all gloomy and quiet. He then pulled out his chair, sat down, placed his head in his hands, looked down at the top of the table, and said, “Fuck.” He then explained that he had wanted Dinkins to win. Heh. He was soo damn sexy when he said it. I swooned (I know, I am being so dumb). Another time, he was explaining something, making an analogy of some sort. He was using a nickel from his pocket to demonstrate something. I was sitting in the first row and he suddenly flipped it to me. I caught it and placed it on top of my blue spiral looseleaf notebook. I kept it there and stared at it. My heart pounded. I now possess something that was his, something that he had to retrieve from his pocket with his own hand. I was elated and I hoped I was not blushing. This little nickel meant so much to me. Needless to say, I came home that day and immediately wrote in my journal about “my beloved nickel.” Then, I turned to the very back page of the journal and scotch-taped the shiny nickel to the page...as a keepsake of that day and of Mr. Ganter. And I still have the journal and my nickel. {:O). Silly, silly girl. I wanted him to be mine so desperately. I dressed pretty for him. I smiled a lot. Hehehe. He had a fiancee though I think. I felt a bit heartbroken. I was envious of that other woman who was lucky enough to have such an all-around cute, smart, and nice guy. I also recall one time when the class had the writing-meetings in the cafeteria. We had to do many drafts for papers and we would meet with Mr. Ganter in the cafeteria to discuss them. One of my friends who wasn’t in his class saw him sitting with me and a few other classmates. She mentioned that he was so young...that he looked like he could be a student. Yeahhhh. He was undoubtedly the CUTEST teacher I have ever seen. I fantasized that we were lovers...that we were having a secret teacher-student relationship. Oh well...if it wasn’t love (and I know of course it WASN’T), it was one big HUGE crush. The biggest one ever. No one seemed to compare to him.
Until I met M. My M. Then it was REAL, not fantasy. And it was indeed LOVE. And DAMN, he is cute...sandy brown hair, brown eyes with the slightest hint of hazel here and there, and tall...6 feet 2. And he is smart, sexy, caring, sensitive, affectionate, and amazingly honest. I am a lucky lucky woman.